#1 By What Values Shall I Live?

So here we are. 

This is me trying to explore that persistent whisper on the frontiers of my mind. The whisper that compels me to answer the call to adventure. I have been living in that “in-between” place, a being that knows neither victory nor defeat. Just drifting between one expectation to another and yet always failing to reach my own. Writing might not sound like much of an adventure to some but it does to me. This is a step into the unknown.

It is with genuine fear and trepidation that I am publishing this first piece. What gives me courage is my belief that the things we cherish in this world should be done for their own sake and not as means to any ends and we must relentlessly protect the sacred places where our curiosity still burns. Here, in this place, I will explore and celebrate all the ways this life intrigues, excites, and mystifies me. So this is a personal pledge, to pour words onto these pages and leave them here once a week, no matter how imperfect they might be. If my words and ideas resonate with you, please get in touch because I would love to hear from you. 

As my first step, I want to explore the concept of Values - The set of beliefs mysteriously shaping all of our actions and decisions. What exactly do I stand for? Whenever I pose this question to my mind, a flood of answers pour forward like a rushing of waters but so many of the words that emerge seem to be more aspirational and untested. I would like to believe that I am honest, courageous, charismatic, and generous but if they are untested proclamations, are they true reflections of my being, or are they simply things I want to believe about myself. 

This is what I want to find out. What do I stand for and am I really who I project myself to be? I want to pursue a life where my actions are in sync with my values, not just my words.

Throughout all my enquiring, the framework that stands out above the rest to understand our development of values is Nietzsche’s Three Metamorphoses. The Camel, The Lion, and the Child. This was outlined in his work Thus Spoke Zarathustra. 

The Camel represents the way we are all born - carrying on its back all of the values and expectations handed down from the people who came before us. The endless “you shoulds” that stem from familial, religious, and social structures. 
The Lion represents a transitional stage where we reject the values given to us without our agency. A stage where we may indiscriminately replace the “you shoulds” with “Instead, I will”.

The Child represents a final stage of development where through our will, we affirm old values or create our own to move forward in this life. 

It seems to me that every human being alive is somewhere along the spectrum of Camel to Child. We are all born into a particular set of circumstances that impose expectations upon us. It’s not that these handed-down values are inherently wrong. Many of them are useful for physical or social survival. The issue is that as the Camel, we have not had the chance to evaluate these values and consider whether they are fitting for our own lives. They were simply there when we arrived for our first day on the planet. This process of assessing these pre-packaged values is paramount because social structures we humans create tend to ossify over time. Instead of serving its original purpose, it becomes corrupted, bastardized, and exists simply to maintain the status quo. 

It isn’t easy to combat the values handed down to us. It is a path fraught with danger and alienation. The worst part is that many of the existing values are there for very good reasons and you’ll prove yourself a fool for rejecting them. This rebellion requires herculean courage and that is where Nietzsche’s Lion plays its part. The Lion is a rebellious teenager. It is against authority for its own sake and doesn’t stop to consider whether the “you shoulds” have any validity. Being the Lion is a tricky proposition. On the one hand, your acts of rebellion are indiscriminate, it is a blunt instrument that doesn’t consider the merits of anything you rebel against and may leave a trail of broken things in its wake. On the other hand, it clears the space for new values to be created. Nietzche eloquently puts this

 “To create new values - even the Lion is incapable of that: but to create itself freedom for new creation - that the might of the lion can do.” 

I am undecided whether I can embody the Lion because I am not sure if I have the wisdom to differentiate the values worth keeping and the ones due for demolition. Nevertheless, having the courage to defy prevailing beliefs in defense of my own is something I aspire to. 

After the path is cleared by the Lion, The Child arrives to decide its Values for itself. Even if some of these values are the same as the “you shoulds” that the Camel carried, they have been transformed from “you should” to “I choose to”. 

If I am honest with myself about where I am on this journey, I am still the Camel, carrying the expectations of those before me and afraid to do anything different, even if I have a deep yearning to do so. When I look around me, I see that many of us are not living in ways that are meaningfully connected with our values. We make a series of passive decisions over long periods and the next thing you know, many of us are funneled into a part of society performing a certain function that has nothing to do with our core values. Some of us eventually come to terms with it while others suffer in quiet desperation. I would like to avoid both fates. 

To live closer to our values, we have to first know what we value. This is a harder proposition than it first appears because many of the things we think we value are simply virtue signals to be put on parade for others to see and values altogether are prone to change and evolution throughout our life. My experience so far has been that we won’t know what we value until we are tested by life. 

I have always been introspective. I think a lot and sometimes to my detriment. I have had periods of my life where I had ample time to think and other periods where thinking was a luxury and I’ve found both extremes to be unproductive to figure out what I truly value in this life. I don’t think I have figured it out for myself and certainly cannot speak for the plethora of personalities that require different methods out there but I can say this - If you are like me and your mind has always been busy seeking, you will not find your answers by thinking in a vacuum. When we are by ourselves and thinking without feedback from the world, the internal world we construct is riddled with faulty assumptions that lead to false conclusions. When we isolate ourselves completely, our thinking will not reflect reality. To truly know what we value, we must go out there and be the man in the arena. As the saying goes 

“Knowing is not enough, you must apply. Willing is not enough, you must do.” 

When I first started writing this piece, I was determined to identify my values with scientific precision. I hoped to come away from this process with a list of values I could definitively say I cherished. Instead, I encountered contradictions and inconsistencies in my thinking. It appears entirely meaningless to list out all my values because the essence of trying to encapsulate ‘values’ in any language is clumsy. As with all other traits about our species, our values are messy. I have values that have never been tested. I have acted in ways that are entirely against my values. I have values that I don’t have the right words to describe and I probably have values that I don’t consciously acknowledge. 

I feel a strange sense of defeat from not acquiring the precision I wanted but I’ve also gained an understanding that trying to understand what makes me tick is more of an art than a science. As I age, as I learn, as I interact with the world, my beliefs and values will change. Instead of trying to classify my values neatly onto a page, I will take my advice and live them through experience. What I know for certain is that I am far from living in complete harmony with my values and that may never be possible but I’d like to try because that seems to be what this whole living business is all about.